My Regrets

Today as I was sitting in my chambers I was called upon to go out and see that the fighting had ended. Little did I know it would only be for a short time. Paris had challenged the Achaeans for one of their men to fight him. I was sitting with Priam when Menelaos took Paris's challenge. All of a sudden Paris cowered in fear behind his brother Hektor when he saw Menelaos step forward. Hektor called Paris a coward until he finally went back out to fight. Whomever won the duel was to have me and all of my possessions. At first it didn't seem like anyone had the upper hand until Menelaos started to drag Paris across the ground. Then all of a sudden Paris disappeared. This is when the gods really became involved. Aphrodite whisked Paris to his bed chamber and summoned me to lay with him. While both sides were looking for Paris, Agamemnon proclaimed Menelaos the victor. After the announcement the gods became upset. Since Hera wanted so badly for the Trojans to fall she enlisted the help of Athene to start the war back up with an Achaens arrow hitting Menelaos. The gods began to pick their sides. As of right now Apollo and Aphrodite were on the Trojans side while Hera and Athene were on the Achaians side for now. The war starts to take a turn towards the Trojan side. Hektor has especially been working hard to kill as many Achaians as possible, while Diomedes and Odysseus are taking many Trojan lives. When Diomedes is hurt Athene promises to help if the only god he hurts is Aphrodite. So when Aphrodite comes to Earth to take care of her son Diomedes makes good on his promise and injures her; however, he also hurts Apollo. The war has become a blood fest so Hera and Athene ask Zeus if they can help and go fight in the battle especially because of all the blood that is being shed by Ares. So when Ares comes back to Olympus injured Zeus does not feel bad for him.

I have lately been feeling more and more like I do not belong here. When I was sitting with Priam I even mentioned: "and I wish bitter death had been what I wanted, when I came hither following your son, forsaking my chamber, my kinsmen, my grown child, and the loveliness of girls my own age. It did not happen that way: and now I am worn with weeping" (Lattimore, Book 3 lines 173-176). I did not know what I had before I made the selfish choice to leave. As I watched Paris and Menelaos all I could think about was maybe if I would have died before stepping onto Troy this would have never happened. Then I saw Paris coward in fear towards Menelaos and I realized that I picked a man that was scared of what he took me from. I do not put all the blame on Paris because I know it was me who left and started this war, but I do feel that if he truly wanted me he would never back down from a challenge to be with me forever. When Paris disappeared during the duel I was told by Aphrodite to go lay with him in his chamber. At first I was hesitant but Aphrodite sensed that and made sure I did what she said, even though it may not have felt right. Men were fighting because of his disappearance and losing their lives while I was in bed with the man that started it all. Thank god we have Hektor on our side. I have heard that he has been slaying Greeks and fighting on the battlefield with gods at his side. I wonder why Zeus allows the gods to fight a battle that is not theirs. We mortals started it so it is only right we finish it.